Thoughts

The breakup blues

Sound Familiar?

Hey readers 🙂

It was requested that I do an article about getting over bad breakups. For those of you who know me personally, you know I have an exoskeleton. I may look “mean” and “intimidating” (still don’t get that but whatever) but I’m a big softy inside. So bad breakups are pretty much my M.O. and getting over them can be really tricky.  Here’s some of the problems I’ve had in the past and the way I got over them. (note: some of this might not be the most polite/selfless/positively lit writing I’ve done but I’ve come to realize not all is fair in love and war and I’m determined to win)

– You can’t stop thinking about them

Do you feel like you’re being haunted by memories? Playing out every step, trying to see where it all went wrong? See something and think of them? Yeah, it’s probably cause you’re a giver and at some point you really cherished what you had. Be it years or days, only you and your heart know how deeply you were  invested.

I’m a total sucker for self help/ motivational books (currently reading Nice Girls Don’t Get The Corner Office) and although cheesy, and sometimes disconnected from how I actually feel, sometimes they have key pieces of advice.  For example: anytime I am obsessing over something, be it a memory of an event or a piece of cake in my fridge, I take my middle finger and press it against the middle of my brow bone (right between my eyebrows) and say “delete.” Sounds really stupid, but works for me.

Also, read “He’s just not that into you.” It’s short, the chapters are to the point, you won’t feel bad about yourself afterwards– just do it. You’ll walk away realizing they’re right, and it will be ok.

-You feel like your self esteem is shot.

Join an online dating site for some shameless flirting and messaging. I personally love OKCupid. There’s plenty of fish- message as many people as you want or just create a crafty profile, add some pictures and hang out.

** “hanging out” will only work if you’re fairly good looking and a chick, anyone not fitting these requirements should put in more effort**

This is also how I met my current bf, so when you’re ready to weed through the dating population again you can actually go on dates too. I caution people from doing this too early though. Wait till you’re ready to be rejected again and/or  be ready for things to not go according to plan (for better or worse.)

-You still want to talk/text/email them.

This is a horrible idea #1 if they don’t respond you will just be furthering your self esteem downward spiral. #2 When you were dating you talked all the time now they are tired of hearing from you. Give them an opportunity to miss you. They still have your number, email, facebook, twitter account, mailing address, place of business. They will find you if they want to.

If you’re looking for a clean break and do not want to answer their calls I suggest changing the beginning of their contact to “Do Not Pick Up” (DNPU if you like acronyms.) If you need something more subtle, I suggest changing their last name to a key word like “Grizzly” or “Alaska” only you will know, but it will remind you to always let it go to voice mail. If you are not interested in talking to them please,  don’t be wishy-washy on this policy. You’ll look like an ass.

All in all, groveling isn’t sexy and if you or the person you’re with wants that, you shouldn’t be with them. You’re equals.

-You’re lonely.

This video is beautiful, poetic and seriously says it as well as, if not better, than anyone else can.

Being lonely could seriously be a post in its own. Loneliness is  very strange. I can be  at a party in a room full of people or sleeping with someone’s arms wrapped around me or even with my family and still feel very alone. I think loneliness is one of those feelings that can only be rectified by connecting with another being(s) or reconnecting with yourself.  Someone once told me “if you’re bored it’s cause you’re boring” and in the same aspect, if you’re lonely it’s probably because you’re not putting yourself out there. So go eat some cake in a cafe already!

-You want them back

If you think you are destined to be together it will happen by it’s own workings. Don’t force it. Sometimes we need to grow and mature separately before you can truly be happy together. Fate will either find you back in their arms, or in the arms of someone you adore more so just hang in there. It’s gonna eventually be awesome no matter what, it’s just how we’re designed.

Hope this helps your heartbreak. ❤ Share your break up remedies below in the comments section and don’t forget to like Krisrael on Facebook!


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3 thoughts on “The breakup blues

  1. Pingback: If You’re Going to Sleep With Someone, Do This First: – West End Singleton

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