As promised, here is a list of Six Dating Don’ts. This list is not limited to Internet dating, but is also relevant to the old-fashioned kind of dating in which you may actually meet someone serendipitously in public or through a friend. I know it seems old school, but it still happens.
1. Don’t be afraid to go out alone. As long as you’re safe, you don’t need company to go out. Get dolled up and take yourself on a date. Go to a happy hour, play, movie, or art gallery. Why? because you are great company! Plus, how can you expect a date to want to hang out with you if you don’t want to hang out with you? Also I have gone on a handful of dates that started alone and ended with a partner. You’re more approachable by a potential date if you aren’t surrounded by your besties at all times. Let yourself be vulnerable; it’s scary but liberating!
2. Don’t be a chatterbox. We all love to tell people how smart, talented, and fascinating we are, proving why we are so utterly dateable; however, you have got to take a breath once in a while! Since you are so interesting, there is a good chance your date is too, but you will never know that if you don’t shut your pretty pie hole for two minutes.
3. Don’t take it personally! A lack of chemistry or spark, or whatever you like to call it, is no one’s fault and it can’t be forced. If it turns out that a date isn’t into you and pulls the “just stop calling” trick, it is safe to assume that’s because he or she is avoiding confrontation and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Telling someone you don’t want to date them is really difficult for most people, so if someone comes right out and rejects you, appreciate the honesty for what it is and move the hell on.
4. Don’t fall off the face of the earth. You know it sucks to wonder what went wrong or what you could have done differently, so if you find yourself on the opposite side of #3 have the guts to say something. This action is best taken over the phone, which makes it more personal than a text but not quite as horrifying as it can be in person. Just be honest: “Hey, look, I don’t feel like I can compete with all 12 of your cats, so I thought it was only fair to tell you that we won’t be seeing each other again.” I have done this a handful of times, and the rejected date thanked me for being up front every time. It gets easier, I swear.
5. Don’t feel obligated. It may be awkward to tell someone, especially a naked man who is ears-deep in your lady parts, that you’re not going to go all the way, but please, for the love of all that is holy, remember that you are never ever obligated to give it up! If you’re teetering, think about which will feel worse; feeling awkward about saying no, or doing it anyway and feeling like crap? And don’t forget, if you say no and it still happens, that is called Rape with a capital R. There are no two ways about it. Check out the link for an awesome blog post on the subject:
6. Don’t fake orgasms. Ladies, most men, and every issue of Cosmo, will tell you that dudes want to please you, but you may have to help them out. Faking orgasms only encourages your partner to continue doing what is not working. He’s going to think that his signature move, which is awkward and has never been enjoyed by a woman, is a big hit with you and everyone after you unless you take one for the team and let him know. Give positive, supportive suggestions. Tell him that you like what he’s doing, but you would love for him to slow down, speed up, spank you, or fill-in-the-blank you. Remember, helping him helps all of womankind.
Catch up with me next week as I expose the rigorous application process that Kris and I created to thin the herd of eager men wanting to join our respective man-harems.