Your friends told you not to, and even though you said you never would, you got back together (whatever that means) with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. But why did you do it? And was it worth it?
My situation is not uncommon; ManFriend and I took a break from our relationship. Granted, we were in a long-term, committed relationship, but we took some time off (over a year) and managed to come back together. We may even be an anomaly because we are doing better now than we ever did before.
But let’s get back to the point: why do we do it?
A) It’s familiar. You know the ins and outs of this person. You know what to expect. An ex can be like the comfy old jeans you can’t throw out because of all they have been through, and if you’re lucky, you’ll patch them up and wear them again.
B) You need to get laid. I apologize to my man for sharing this, but the most, um, adventurous sex we ever had was when we were not officially together. For some reason, we upped the ante once the gloves were off. Intimacy between two random people and two people who truly know one another cannot be compared. That’s where sex and lovemaking show their true colors, and maybe an ex can show you a little of both.
C) It’s a quick fix for loneliness. Now, keep in mind that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I sincerely hope that you can be alone without being lonely, but that is a subject for another post.
D) He or she could be “the one.” You never know! There’s a reason you broke up, but there’s also a reason, or many reasons, that you were together in the first place. If you can’t stay apart, maybe you should stay together. Part of me believes that all it really takes is a true commitment. After all, we are constantly reminded by the media that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but what if you focus on fertilizing your own lawn for a change?
Ok, so why should we not get back together?
A) It’s too familiar. Couples can definitely get too comfortable with one another. It’s not good to think you know someone so well that you don’t have anything to talk about or that you know everything that goes on in his or her head. Also, there’s something to be said for leaving some room for mystery. Perhaps your partner wants to see you in something other than sweat pants and doesn’t need to know every intimate detail of your most recent bowel disturbances.
B) There’s a reason you broke up. Things didn’t work out, and maybe they never will. Perhaps you’re not meant to be. You have to remember that that’s okay. I believe that people are brought into our lives to teach or be taught. Be realistic; maybe the teaching session is over.
C) There are 6.8 billion fish in the sea. That is an absolutely bind-boggling number! If things didn’t work out, then there are roughly 3.4 billion people who could potentially fill that spot. Think about the odds behind the cliché that there is one person out there for everyone. Really? Just one? I find that disturbingly hard to believe.
D) You can’t forgive. Face the facts; if your partner wronged you, you won’t ever magically forget about it. The question is: can you forgive? True forgiveness comes from a high level of emotional maturity and the forfeiture of your power to use the past as a weapon. This means you can’t claim to forgive someone and then remind him or her of the offenses committed against you.
I will say this: my ManFriend and I are currently doing as well as we are because we worked hard in our time apart to make personal changes. I did not change myself to accommodate him, and vice versa. Instead, we made improvements that will benefit multiple areas of our lives, including interpersonal relationships.
ManFriend and I are living proof that getting back together with an ex can be a great thing, so don’t believe it can’t happen for you. In the meantime, consider your motives and what you stand to gain or lose.
Leave comments: what do you think?