“The astronomical summer (Northern Hemisphere) begins Wednesday, June 20, 2012” – – Google
Thank you Google. You also could step away from your computer for a nanosecond, go outside, and realize it’s getting freakin’ hot! Aside from the Bay Area, with our freak rain storm on Monday! Really, Mother Earth, come now. Other key indicators are children running through sprinklers, girls wearing bras for tops, and the dreaded farmer’s tan!
As the temperature rises, so do everyone’s hemlines. To escape the heat and give our legs a much needed breath of fresh air, we turn to shorts. But as with everything dealing with appearance, we must take caution in what we put on. I think the best organization this week is by body type. If you are a guy with an average stature, then you only have your personal style as a guideline. I will discuss Tall, Short, Slim, and Beefy guys, but REMEMBER, these are only guidelines! The only way to know what looks good on you is to try on different styles and see what works best. Shocking . . . I know. Combine some of the rules if you are a mixture of the body types.
Tall (or guys with long legs): You have the difficult task of putting more thought into your pants than other guys. Many times, you can’t pull something off the rack and wear it. Few things can make you look shorter, but you can prevent yourself from looking like a redwood.
- Length: Mind the hem line, because a normal length will be shorter on you. Many retailers now offer shorts in two lengths: one normal and one longer. Keep that in mind if you don’t want to show too much skin.
- Color: Don’t shy away from it! Many men think there is more material aka too much color. As with all things, moderation is key. But for tall guys, stay away from contrasting colors, which bring a clashing attention to your body. Contrasting colors are those found on different sides of the color wheel.
- Fit: This will largely depend on your body type, but you can choose a wider leg or a fitted short and it will look good. Keep your hips in mind. The opening of the leg shouldn’t flare out past your hips.
Short (or guys with short legs): It is all about the illusion of height. Everything you wear should lend to increased height. If it feels like it is bringing you down (literally and figuratively), it probably is.
- Length: You guys can get away with a shorter hem line. Don’t be scared to show some skin. What ever you do, NEVER EVER wear a short that extends past your knee. This of the utmost importance!
- Colors: Your favorite pattern is vertical stripes! Darker colors evolve from slimming to elongating when worn by a shorter guy.
- Fit: Fitted is your best bet. The leg opening should be tapered and fitted at the hem. It can be a little looser near the waist, but proceed with extreme caution.
Slim: You have the blessed curse of not gaining any weight, even when you want to. You run the risk of swimming in your shorts, if not worn correctly.
- Length: Keep it proportionate to your height or leg length. Easy peasy.
- Color: Have fun with it! There are few boundaries with colors.
- Fit: Under no circumstance should you wear a wide leg. Chances are your legs are just as slim as the rest of your body and the contrasting proportions will make you look like a Christmas tree. Slim and fitted is the option for you. And remember not to over-accentuate your slim physique, as this will most likely give you chicken legs.
Beefy: This section applies to men who are bigger period, whether its fat, muscle, skin, or anything really. Just as with tall guys, take caution in your choices as the wrong one will bring the wrong attention.
- Length: Shorts that hit right at the knee or just above it are your best friend. Longer shorts will pull your body to the ground. Proceed with caution for shorter shorts as they can easily bunch up, especially if they are made of light material.
- Color: No patterns. Period. No overused/over-sized logos, no plaid, no repeating fishes. Save the flare for your torso or shoes. Not only will the patterns add weight to your bottom half, it won’t give you a solid foundation from which to build.
- Fit: Don’t over-compensate. Baggy shorts will NOT take attention away from your size. Wearing shorts that fit proportionately with your height and weight will be your best guess. You are also the most likely candidate for cargo shorts.
The common rule for all the guys is length. What I’m going to say probably isn’t what you want to hear: Don’t let it hit your knee! Skin isn’t a bad thing (too much is, but that is a different story). For years, we’ve wanted women to show their skin, now they are holding us to the same expectations. They want some visual stimulation to their fantasies as well. Now if you are self conscious about your legs, you don’t have to go extreme to show some leg. A good inseam choice is 10″. If you stick to a linen short with a tapered leg, it has a remarkable effect: it makes almost every guy have good looking legs (or at least thighs!).
I didn’t mention materials as I advocate playing with different textures. Just remember: the closer you are to the ground, the lighter the material. The further away, the heavier. Just seriously take care when wearing denim, mesh, or any material similar to work-out clothes. And swim trunks and shorts should only be worn WHEN SWIMMING or the short trip to the convenient store for more sunblock or some beer.
Be sure to comment with your suggestions or questions. Or at the very least use one your social media outlets to let out our media to your social groups.
Until next week,
Keep it Classy.
The Guy with the Red Hair.