Massive buildings, lights, swimming pools, strip clubs, loud music, scorching hot weather….maaaan, that’s not what I’m used to!
A few weeks ago I went to Sin City for the third time in my life, and as usual I felt overwhelmed by EVERYTHING. So if you, like me, come from a wee little town, remember the following information so as not to spend the whole trip looking like this:
1. In Vegas everything is HUGE. And when I say HUGE, I mean MASSIVE: incredible hotels, pools, casinos, bathrooms…. Be prepared for the land of excess. You just need a restroom? Forget the tiny latrine in your apartment, and be ready to find the most impressively huge bathrooms you’ve EVER seen! Gold (maybe not real…..but still!) sinks, huge mirrors, hand cream for your delicate hands, wee towels on which to dry them… I must say, the toilets there are amazing. I’d definitely have “visit the john” as one of the top items on my “First-Time-in-Vegas” to-do list.
2. Don’t be a prude: you’re gonna see boobies and male members everywhere. So, if you’re either interested in sexy shows like Chippendales or in more popular strip-clubs, CHILL: you’ll find whatever you want. Also, don’t be surprised if at the end of the day your bag is full of sexy naked-women cards. Without even realizing it, you’ll collect 200 of them from people on the street handing them to you with a smile, a flick of the cards, or a kissy noise. It’s okay, it’s not sin. Yet.
3. Critical point: MONEY. Either you have it or not. Don’t even think of gambling if your finances are unstable or if you struggle with self control. Aside from just gambling, be ready for some expensive nights out if you’re planning to dance or drink. In general, this isn’t as bad for women: in most places women get in free before midnight, and in some clubs they even get free drinks. If you are a woman and get there after midnight, there is likely a man willing to pay your cover if you’re willing to let him. Men, be ready for expensive nights! Usually men pay everything everywhere. For example, an average entrance fee to a club is $25-30 for the basic pass. I kinda miss my wee local pubs and clubs in Edinburgh where entrance is usually no more than £5, same thing in Venice, Italy…Sweet old Europe, don’t change!
4. Hot stuff: I left Edinburgh where it was a balmy 50ºF (10ºC) and went to LV where the temperature was a brain-boiling 100ºF (40ºC). I WAS GONNA DIE!!!! For the love of your soul, be physically and psychologically prepared to MELT. Especially during summer months, I’d strictly recommend spending the day either in the swimming pool or locked up in your room with A/C on. Believe me, nightlife is not only better for partying; it’s also better for survival.
5. Do you remember all those nights asking yourself, “Soooo….what shall I do tonight?” Well, you’re not going to have to ask yourself that in Vegas. My dear small-town girls and boys, it’s time to wake up and PARTY! If one thing is certain about Vegas (apart from the evil weather), it’s that you will never be bored! Acrobatic shows (go see Cirque du Soleil! Pricey, but totally worth it!), concerts, strip-shows (it’s called Sin City for a reason), amazing nightclubs. Bye bye Saturday night in downtown with only one bar open. Embrace the fact that you’ll have to sleep during the day to truly appreciate Vegas nightlife.
So, my dearest small-town friends, if you ever visit Vegas, please don’t hesitate to contact me for a pre-trip counseling session! I totally understand. And hey, in the same way, if you’re a Vegas native about to travel to Europe, hit me up. I’ll help you find something much different than you’ll get from a cheesy travel guide.