Ah college, the time to live in the dorms, make new eclectic friends, and really “discover” yourself. Not going to lie, I fucking miss it. Although I tend to think I was more of a college snob than most; I never tried to join a sorority, or drink some mystery jungle juice, nor did I ever attend a college sporting event. Most of my college career was spent working two jobs, blogging, and singing and dancing. Through plenty of trials and tribulations, and a few major switches, I think I was a typical college student (and I came out alive without too many embarrassing pictures posted of me on Facebook).
Some behaviors from that time were left in the dust, but I’ve dusted off my reflective cap and wanted to take a look back at things we all did in college that as adults we try to no longer embody. Enjoy my list of behaviors that are only acceptable during college.
Not showing up cause you didn’t do an assignment.
Man, wouldn’t it be nice to just not show up to work the day of a big presentation? Sorry, I was . . . sick. Can I turn it in next week? PSYCH! When they said in college that “deadlines were everything in the real world” I rolled my eyes with the rest of the class — but shit, they’re fucking right.
Saying “bros over hos” like it’s law
This one is pretty straight forward. If your dating philosophies sound like a cheesy slogan you see on the side of the freeway like “click it or ticket” or something you heard in a 1980’s cop movie like “you commit the crime, you do the time,” you probably do deserve to date someone who still wears their retainer at night.
If you’ve been to college you should actually know that “bros over hos” actually has a really small, unseeable to the naked eye, asterisk and a huge section of fine print on the second page stating a unseemly amount of terms and conditions including: *unless she’s hot, or I’m “super wasted”, or it’s been a couple months and I’m “in need”, or you’ll never find out. Just to name a few.
The dating pool may seem a lot smaller once you’re out of college, especially since everyone you meet is either a friend of a friend, your co-worker, or someone you met online. But this should also make you more honest with yourself and maybe adopt a saying more like “if the shoe fits.” Sure you’ll be a slut, but you’ve always been one.
Going “hard” on a weeknight
I’m 25, and the thought of taking shots sends chills down my spine, now add in a 6 am wake up and I’ll tell you a big “go fuck yourself!” Only the unemployed, future AA members, suddenly heart broken, and collegiate can afford these kind of shenanigans. And quite frankly, if I found myself suddenly heart broken I would rather be spending my FTO on a deluxe vacation to some place with sexy exotic men than nursing a hangover after a night of “fuuuck heeeeiiimmm!”‘s
Drawing on others
If anyone, and I mean anyone, drew on me, even in a cute way, I could quite possibly
scratch their eyes out stop being their friend. Pen15 is for assholes, and assholes (in my book) don’t deserve to have eyes friends. The.End.
I was sooo guilty of this in college. I remember one time my friend showed me that I could eat salad out of a ziplock bag with a plastic fork. This made tossing it in dressing and clean up a snap. College-me thought this was almost as genius as eating my cereal out of a plastic “beer pong” red cup on my drive to school (What? It fit in the cup holder better than any bowl!).
This is definitely not one of the behaviors you want to carry on into adulthood. Use the measuring cups for what they’re named after, and the red cups should be recycled, unless your beer pong legacy is just too epic to let go of. In that case — you probably should stay in school, I hear getting your masters is all the rage.
Sorry that last jab was just jealousy talking.